Restaurant Dining Etiquette

Bad Manners

There are some behaviors that a restaurant patron should avoid as a matter of course. A few have to do with table manners and overall finesse, others with being considerate of everyone else. Even a smooth sophisticate who knows her place settings to a tee can come off as a boor to her companions and other patrons-not to mention the unlucky waitstaff -if she thinks only of herself.

Things to Avoid

The first consideration is your posture. To show that you're alert and engaged, don't slouch. Sit up straight and don't stoop to eat your food. Also don't fidget with your tie or jewelry, drum your fingers, or jiggle your knee. A few other things to avoid:

Smacking and crunching. Eating as quietly as possible is essential to good table manners. For many, other people's smacking noises are as cringe-making as on a blackboard.

Chewing sloppily. Keep bites reasonably small and chew with your mouth closed. Don't form food into a ball in one cheek or take a sip of anything while chewing.

Talking while eating. Make sure not to talk with even a little bit of food in your mouth; it doesn't take that long to swallow.

Reaching. Avoid the boardinghouse reach. Reach for something only within the invisible boundary that separates your personal space from the other diners'.

Sopping and plate-pushing. Using a piece of bread to sop up the sauce left over from a dish is fine-but only when the bread is speared by the tines of your fork. When you finish the meal, leave your plate exactly where it is: Pushing it away, even slightly, is a faux pas akin to the boardinghouse reach.

Picking your teeth. Toothpicks should be used in private, not as you walk out of the restaurant or, worse still, at the table. Also refrain from noisily cleaning your teeth with your tongue at meal's end-an equally unattractive habit.

Grooming at the Table

In most circumstances, it is more polite to excuse yourself and put on lipstick in the ladies' room than to do it at the table. The exception is when the restaurant has an in­formal atmosphere and you're among friends, in which case you can apply the lipstick quickly. What you should avoid is a primping routine--no compact, no powder. And then there's that never-to-be-broken rule: Whether you're a man or a woman, don't use a comb at a restaurant table, nor should you rearrange your hair or put your hands to it wherever food is served. Using dental floss at the table is a major never-ever. Believe it or not, some people have no qualms about doing something so private in public.

Less-than-desirable behavior is magnified in a restaurant because paying patrons have rightful expectations of a relatively tranquil meal. Here are some acts to avoid at all costs.

Holding court on a cell phone. Even though you'd think that the diner who gabs away on his cell phone would be an extinct species by now, he's still hanging on. As pitiful as he is (trying to transmit the message "I'm on the go, I'm a deal-maker, I'm connected" while appearing just the opposite), he's responsible for a serious disruption. To everyone's misfortune, he's never heard of the rule that says there's a time and a place for everything.

Bribing the maitre d'. People who charge to the front of the line in a busy restaurant and flash a large bill at the maitre d' insult not only the restaurant management but whomever they've just pushed past. A tip for a maitre d' who has given you a good table and attentive service is acceptable (it's usually given on leaving), but trying to buy a good table is inexcusable.

Flaunting your wealth. A noisy table of big-spending revelers flaunting their riches by ordering bottle after bottle of exorbitantly priced wines (not to mention puffing away on cigars) is one of the worst kinds of showing off. There's no excuse for such behavior, no matter how large one's bank account.

Getting soused. The table in the corner that periodically explodes with laughter, whoops, and hollers that almost startle other diners out of their chairs is either listening to the funniest person on earth or drinking too much. In a calm setting, few things irritate restaurant patrons more than the tipsy table that erupts in a rafter-rattling roar.

Taking over. Groups celebrating a special occasion sometimes seem to think they've rented a private room. They tie balloons to chairs, stand on chairs to make speeches, and toast whomever in full cry-to the chagrin of everyone present.

Overdoing displays of affection. A romantic candlelit dinner for two is undoubtedly the time for a bit of cooing and moony gazing, but couples who paw each other or kiss passionately are hard to ignore. The prohibition on this sort of behavior falls under the umbrella of respecting the right of other patrons not to be distracted from their own pleasurable dining experience.

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