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etiquette scholar / dining etiquette / toasts and toasting etiquette / professor toasts

Professor Toasts

To the professor-a woman who talks in her students' sleep.

To my professor-a textbook wired for sound.

To our professor-a person whose job it was to tell us how to solve the problems of life which he himself had avoided by becoming a professor.

To our professor: Addition to your friends, Subtraction from wants, Multiplication of your blessings, Division among your foes.

"Let schoolmasters puzzle their brain With grammar and nonsense and learning; Good liquor, I stoutly maintain, Gives genius a better discerning." -Oliver Goldsmith